Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

If you’ve ever been in a car or on a bike, owned one, rented one, seen one and most importantly noticed one, you know where to find those words! On the rear-view mirror or side-view mirror of course!! It’s that mirror, which helps you gauge which direction it’s ok to move towards, which one is safe and which isn’t, whether you’d hurt someone or yourself if you moved that way. It’s like a guide, like a navigator who has your best interest in mind, provided you look at it and acknowledge its presence.

No, this isn’t a note on how to use the mirror for safer driving! It is more of a note to self. To look at the “object in the mirror” that is “closer” than it “appears”. It’s about acknowledging and embracing the person you see in the mirror every single day, at least a couple of times, if not more! How many times have we stopped to look ourselves in the eye? Sounds dramatic, I know, perhaps clichéd even, but it is powerful. I remember looking at myself in the mirror when I’d lock myself in the bathroom to cry about anything from a broken nail to a broken heart, from a bad hair day to a bad day and I’d stare straight into my eyes. It was almost instantly calming and comforting. Like I was talking to myself, and so I decided that I’d look myself in the eye in happier and normal times too. It is an empowering and fabulous feeling when you acknowledge yourself. Instead of awaiting validation and acceptance from external sources, giving myself all that and more was liberating.

Truth is, we don’t acknowledge or reach out to that guide, that navigator, supporter and nurturer we all carry within us. If only we all tapped into that enormous pool of love, support and strength within, we would realize how powerful we really are. If you’ve ever been asked the question, “do you love yourself?” you would have perhaps wondered what exactly loving yourself means. I have heard people say “yea, maybe” “umm..i don’t really hate myself, so I guess yea I love myself” and the confident “yes I do.” The first time I was asked this question, I wasn’t sure what the honest answer to that was. I wondered what it meant and how I’d answer it in the most sincere way! It’s easier (I don’t mean easy or doable, just comparatively) to say I love another person, a place, a thing or anything else. But one self, how do you gauge that. To know that there is a “you” within you, could be a start and slowly but surely, you are all you’ll need – for love, for guidance, for company, strength and support. Everyone and everything else will be a bonus! Oh how beautiful life is!!

It’s all about perspective! Go on! Look in the mirror! What you see IS indeed closer than it appears! 

Nirbhaya! #SpeakUp

“Finger on your lips,” in class

 “Silence please,” in the library

“shhh….” Says a cute baby in the poster at the doctor’s clinic

“Don’t talk when 2 adults are talking,” “चुप रहो ,” “keep quiet”

These are both, memories and scars from our childhood. It’s no surprise then that staying silent is the order, instruction, advice we continue to give ourselves. Question being, about what do we stay silent and for how long? Nirbhaya’s story answers that for you and for me.

Abuse isn’t new to us, neither are we to it. It has always happened. But we now hear about it, report it, read it and think about it a little more than we did earlier. It’s like everything else. Like corruption or like cancer. It always existed, but today, we do something more about it. We create awareness and rally for our right to vote for a just candidate. We research, study and develop new medicines to contain, to fight, to face cancer. Then why is Abuse any different? Why aren't we coming forth and talking about it, sharing our stories and building a foundation so strong, that 5 years from now, this piece of writing will sound like history.

"Nirbhaya", the play reiterates one big point for me, as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend, woman, human – Communication. That staying silent is no more an option. Whether you’re a victim, a witness or just someone who heard about something, we’re all equally responsible for breaking the silence. The onus is now on us!

If parents spoke to their children openly about ‘good touch’ and ‘bad touch’ and assured them that no matter what, amma, appa/mamma, papa/mom,dad would be there for them – with all their love and support. That coming to them with a problem, a complaint or tears would not be met with anger and punishment or much worse, blame. Respect and fear, must never overlap. That grey area, of fearing a discussion with the parent, is all it takes for us to lose ourselves and carry the shame and pain within through our lives.

If only women knew that the courage to speak up against domestic violence and abuse at the hands of their husband and husband’s family, lies within them. If only she was told, that to stand up for herself, for her rights and safety was of importance not just to her but to her parents and the society. And if only the parents and society reciprocated that faith, we wouldn't have wives dying a death in more ways than one, every single day.

If the heart bled every time we experienced something like this, we’d all be walking around with stained chests. Lets trade silence for speaking up, suffering for healing. Talk about our scars from yesterday to save someone’s today. Let us pick speaking-up over silence, healing over suffering, acceptance and action over ignorance. Let’s care more for an image that our soul deserves than one that the so-called society demands.

To every boy and girl who has seen, heard, experienced abuse, to every man and woman who still carries that hurting child within, to every parent who fears the worst, but won’t speak about it, to every single person who knows that “these things happen,” here’s my plea – Be silent no more! Be scared no more! Be where you've been, no more. Come forth and speak up. Take it seriously enough to “do” something for the child, woman, man who suffers at the hands of another child, woman, man. You are not alone. Reach out to the fearless you! Reach out to a better world!Stay "निर्भय"!